


Make a Sound

by amneria



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Canon, Depression, Gen, Homophobic Language, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Texting, and its gonna get real dark and sad, dis shit looks real gay but it isn't, ok its gay but not joshler gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-18
Updated: 2016-09-16
Packaged: 2018-08-09 12:39:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 46
Words: 9,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7802206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amneria/pseuds/amneria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Josh has a secret that's starting to tear him apart and even his best fren Tyler can't help him.</p><p>A texting fic during the boys' Emotional Roadshow Tour</p><p>AKA I'm only good at dialogue so that's all there's gonna be</p><p>(This fic is gonna make u so happy then tear ur fucking heart out of ur chest)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. May 21

** May 21 1:35PM **

 

**Jishwa** : i can’t believe the tour starts in 10 days

           TEN DAYS!

 

**Ty** : I’m anxious.

 

**Jishwa** : i know ty, i am too but i know you’ll be amazing

 

**Ty** : I don’t want to let our fans down.

 

**Jishwa** : you won’t, you’ll sing great and everyone will scream your name

            if you want me to i’ll trip again to make you look good

 

**Ty** : lol thanks for the offer but I don’t want you to get hurt

      you’re too important to me Jishwa.

 

**Jishwa** : :’)

             you’re my best fren

 

**Ty** : your dad’s my best friend, sorry

      we’re actually hanging out right now.

 

**Jishwa** : tell him i say hi

             you want to get taco bell ty?

 

**Ty** : only if your dad can come.

 

**Jishwa** : sure thing, see you in 5 ty ty


	2. May 31

**May 31 1:10AM**

 

**Jishwa** : ty i can’t sleep

             you awake?

             don’t leave me here alone tyyyyyy

 

**Ty** : yeah, yeah I’m up.

      what’s up Jishwa?

 

**Jishwa** : i watched the exorcist and now I can’t sleep

 

**Ty** : if you’re trying to get me to ask if you want to sleep over, you’re not going to win.

 

**Jishwa** : :(

             i’m scared and alone in the dark

             what if I get eaten??

 

**Ty** : Josh I’m so tired, can you please try to sleep? The tour starts tomorrow and I’m not really in the mood for jokes right now.

 

**Jishwa** : sorry…

             hey tyler can i tell you something?

 

**Ty** : yeah sure, you ok?

 

**Jishwa** : i’m fine it’s just

             actually nevermind i’m just nervous

             i’m going to try and sleep

 

**Ty** : night Jishy, you can tell me anything don’t forget

      you’re my bestest fren.

 

**Jishwa** : thanks ty :)

            see you tomorrow


	3. June 2

** June 2 1:30 PM **

 

**Ty** : hey, sorry I got annoyed at you yesterday, I was just really anxious.

      I didn’t mean to shut you down.

      did you want to tell me something?

  

**Jishwa** : no i’m ok, i feel better now actually

             :)

 

**Ty** : I got your back Jishwa, don’t forget that.

 

**Jishwa** : i’m fine, really, don’t worry about me

 

**Ty** : I’m changing the subject, but that’s not because I’m not going to worry about you,

Jenna and I are going to some nice restaurant in town for dinner if you want to come.

      it’s Mexican ;)

 

**Jishwa** : but will it stand up to taco bell??

 

**Ty** : You need to eat better food.

 

**Jishwa** : I saw you eat a whole container of double stuffed oreos yesterday

 

**Ty** : touché

 

**Jishwa** : i’m not really in the mood for food right now, i think i’m going to practice a little

 

**Ty** : don’t tire yourself out too much fren.

 

**Jishwa** : see you later

 

 

** June 2 9:23PM **

 

**Jishwa** : TYLER BRING ME BACK SOME CHURROS PLEASE 

 

**Ty** : I gotchu

 

**Jishwa** : :’)


	4. June 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to give each character a different texting style based on how they type of twitter but some might end up being relatively similar :/ Either way, enjoy this next chapter!

** June 7 6:00PM **

 

**Ty** : Hey Josh is everything ok? You haven’t left your bunk at all today

      You want me to get you taco bell?

      I can get you a cheesy gordita or that new doritos gordita

  

**Jishwa** : i think i’m just sick

             i keep coughing :(

             but that doritos gordita sounds really good

             can you get me three?

 

**Ty** : only if you won’t end up vomiting all of it tonight.

 

**Jishwa** : I pinkie promise

 

**Ty** : take some ibuprofen or advil or whatever our moms usually tell us to take.

 

**Jishwa** : I just need those gorditas

 

**Ty** : don’t make me go all mom on you Jishwa.

 

**Jishwa** : does that mean you’ll sing me to sleep?

 

**Ty** : Joshua William Dun I am putting my foot down right now.

now go take that medicine and get your butt in that bed.

 

**Jishwa** : i’m already in bed

 

**Ty** : are you talking back to me mister?

 

**Jishwa** : i’m sorry mama Joseph :’(

 

**Ty** : get better, ok?

 

**Jishwa** : i’ll try


	5. June 10

** June 10 3:48 AM **

 

**Ty** : Jishwa is that you yelling?

Josh are you ok?

Josh answer me.

don’t make me wake up Mark and Michael.

 

**Jishwa** : yeah yeah sorry that was me

it was a nightmare 

 

**Ty** : Are you ok? where are you? you’re not in your bunk.

 

**Jishwa** : i’m just outside

             i needed some fresh air

             go back to sleep, don’t worry about me, i’m fine

 

**Ty** : Are your sure?

 

**Jishwa** : yeah I’m good

             i’ve had this nighmare before

             i can handle it

 

**Ty** : Ok, wake me up if you need me.

 

**Jishwa** : thanks ty

 

**Ty** : Night Josh.

 

**Jishwa** : night night


	6. June 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't noticed, each person has a different nickname depending on who they're texting. I also have no idea what Mark would have as a nickname so just bear with me lol

** June 12 9:45AM **

 

**Marky Mark** : goddamn josh are you dying?

 

**Spooky Jim** : don’t make fun of my coughs

they hurt my throat :(

 

**Marky Mark** : seriously tho you sound horrible, you want me to get you some tea or something?

a vomit bag?

a lawyer to help you with your last will and testimony?

 

**Spooky Jim** : if I wasn’t bunk-ridden by tyler I would punch you

 

**Marky Mark** : aww ty ty and jishwa, I ship it.

 

**Spooky Jim** : Mark stop it

 

**Marky Mark** : ;*

 

**Spooky Jim** : I mean it dude, fuck off

 

**Marky Mark** : sorry man, I’ll get you something for that cough.

 

**Spooky Jim** : thanks


	7. June 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 10 kudos!! Thank you all so much for liking the fic so far and even having the patience to even read it because my attention span is so small I can barely read anything. Anyways, dis shit about to get even deeper yo

** June 15 4:26PM **

 

**Jenna** : Hi Joshie, are you doing ok?

           Tyler told me you’ve been coughing for the past few days :(

           & having nightmares 

 

**Joshie** : i’m fine, please don’t worry about me

 

**Jenna** : If somethings bothering you you know you can talk to me <3

           I won’t tell Tyler if you’re worried about that

 

**Joshie** : i’m ok, really

 

**Jenna** : Is this about Debby?

 

**Joshie** : what?

no, we’re friends

            we don’t have any problems

 

**Jenna** : I’m here to lend a female’s advice if you need it

 

**Joshie** : I don’t have any issues with girls

I mean

I’m fine ok? I need to get back to soundcheck 

 

**Jenna** : I’ll ttyl 

 

**Joshie** : _seen at 4:30PM_


	8. June 18

** June 18 3:12AM **

 

**Ty** : Another nightmare Jishwa?

 

**Jishwa** : yeah, sorry if my screams woke you up again

 

**Ty** : It’s fine

I’m worried about you

I think you need to see someone

 

**Jishwa** : no I’m ok, it’s just stress from the tour

             i just need to get more rest and do yoga or something

 

**Ty** : Josh please…

 

**Jishwa** : don’t worry, i can still perform for our fans

 

**Ty** : Your cough is getting worse

 

**Jishwa** : good thing I don’t sing lol

 

**Ty** : Your not going to be able to play the trumpet if your throat is hurt

 

**Jishwa** : i can still play

             i won’t let the clique down

 

**Ty** : Josh take care of yourself

tell me what’s wrong

Please

 

**Jishwa** : nothing is wrong

             i just have nightmares

             thats it

             go back to sleep tyler

             i’ll be outside getting fresh air

             goodnight

 

**Ty** : night Josh


	9. June 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was debating putting this up now or adding another chapter in between but I couldn't think of anything else to add. Also I drank some wine in the middle of the day and it ruined all production and imagination for the whole day lol

** June 21 12:35AM **

 

**Restricted Number** : Josh

                                 I still think of you

And that one night together

                                 Do you remember?

Your legs splayed out in front of me

My fingers tangled in your pink hair

Please Josh

 

**Josh** : don’t fucking message me ever again

 

 

** June 21 4:07AM **

 

**Jishwa** : ty I broke the mirror

 

**Ty** : With what?

 

**Jishwa** : my fist


	10. June 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was supposed to be another chapter here instead but I changed the dates around so I felt like I needed another chapter to fill in the blank. I just wrote this so it I don't think it's as good as the other chapters and it's pretty much filler. Also, I'm basically staying with the same dates as the actual tour, which is why I had to move a chapter back since the date wasn't during a concert. It'll all make sense in a couple days when I release it.
> 
> Also I wrote some more chapters last night that are so good, I mean they are some intense shit boi. But you'll all have to wait at least a couple days until you get to see those ;P
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos, hits, and bookmarks! You guys keep me writing!!

** June 22 6:18PM **

 

**Ty** : Did the med team look at your hand again?

 

**Jishwa** : yep

             they said to keep it wrapped and rest it so it heals quickly

             the stitches should come out in a couple weeks

 

**Ty** : Did they say you could still play the drums?

 

**Jishwa** : yea

             but even if they didnt id still play them lol

 

**Ty** : Come on Josh.

try to take better care of yourself.

 

**Jishwa** : i know i know

             its just these dreams are so fucked up

             i didn’t know i was in the bathroom

             i guess i sleep walk or something

 

**Ty** : Can you tell me what the dreams are about?

maybe I can help you out.

 

**Jishwa** : no its just garbled crap

             none of it makes any sense

 

**Ty** : Well we have the next few days off anyways.

      So try to get some sleep and relax.

 

**Jishwa** : i will

             im going to explore the city a bit

 

**Ty** : ok.

let me know if you need anything.

 

**Jishwa** : sure thing

 

**Ty** : be safe.

 

**Jishwa** : dont worry about me ty ty

             im fine


	11. June 24

** June 24 7:49AM **

 

 

**Marko** : hey tyler?

 

**Tyjo** : Hey Mark, what’s up?

 

**Marko** : somethings wrong with josh.

 

**Tyjo** : I know.

he’s been having nightmares and yelling in his sleep.

 

**Marko** : no he’s not

josh hasn’t been yelling in his sleep

I’ve seen him in the bathroom yelling.

 

**Tyjo** : What? what are you talking about?

 

**Marko** : he gets up and walks into the bathroom, shuts the door, and screams.

he’s been doing that almost every night 

and sometimes during the day when no one is around.

 

**Tyjo** : What

I need you to be serious with me.

 

**Marko** : I’m not fucking with you tyler I’m serious

somethings really wrong.

 

**Tyjo** : Is he sleep walking?

do you think his meds are doing this?

has anyone else noticed?

 

**Marko** : no, no, and maybe?

we do share a bus with other people

but everyone else does use earplugs.

 

**Tyjo** : So let me get this straight.

Josh gets up at 3AM,

         walks to the bathroom and shuts the door,

         then screams?

 

**Marko** : it’s as fucked up as it sounds

and sometimes he hits things.

 

**Tyjo** : The mirror?

 

**Marko** : yep

 

**Tyjo** : I’ll talk to him.

I got this.

 

**Marko** : i’m here if you need help.


	12. June 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise chapter lol
> 
> If anyone has any constructive criticism or whatever, feel free to share it! This is my first fic on here and my first time writing creatively in ages so I know this isn't my best.
> 
> Also the last chapter seemed a bit confusing, but hopefully it's clear enough!!

** June 28 11:52 AM **

 

**Dog Breath** : mikey can you get me something to drink?

like a smoothie or something?

                    my throat still hurts :(

 

**Gibby** : Yeah I can do that

           Will you be ok being alone for a few minutes?

           Everyone else is at soundcheck

 

**Dog Breath** : yeah I’ll be fine

 

**Gibby** : I’ll be back in 15

 

 

** June 28 12:15PM **

 

**Mikey** : Tyler, is Josh with you?

 

**Baby Boy** : No, he’s on the bus.

 

**Mikey** : Uhh

He’s not here

 

**Baby Boy** : Have you checked his bunk?

                 or the bathroom?

 

**Mikey** : He’s not in any of the buses 

 

**Baby Boy** : Fuck

I’ll send Mark out to look around the stage.

we only have a few hours til the concert.

I’ll go look for him.

 

**Mikey** : No, don’t worry about this, I can send security out

He probably didn’t go far

 

**Baby Boy** : Tell me when you find him

Please

 

**Mikey** : You’ll be the first person I call.


	13. June 28 (Part 2)

** June 28 12:27PM **

 

**Ty** : Josh, where are you?

Answer me right now.

This isn’t funny.

Josh, answer your fucking phone.

Let me know you’re safe.

please josh

please

we need to find you

we can’t let the clique down

JOSH ANSWER YOUR PHONE

 

**Jishwa** : im dying my hair in a mcdonalds

ill be right back

 


	14. June 29

** June 29 7:01PM **

 

**Ty** : I’m really worried about Josh.

i don’t know what to do.

 

**Jenna <3**: Is he still sick?

 

**Ty** : In one sense,

yes.

 

**Jenna <3**: What’s wrong? Is it the nightmares?

 

**Ty** : He’s not having nightmares, he’s just screams all night.

      every night he locks himself in the bathroom then yells,

and I can’t help him.

 

**Jenna <3**: Oh god Ty

I’m so sorry

 

**Ty** : Two days ago he disappeared,

and turned up in a McDonald’s dying his hair.

 

**Jenna <3**: Wait, what?

 

**Ty** : His hair isn’t pink anymore, he dyed it back to brown.

 

**Jenna <3**: His hair hasn’t been brown in ages, why’d he change it? Do you want me to fly down?

 

**Ty** : He said something about pink being ‘stupid’.

please come,

      I need you here.

 

**Jenna <3**: I’ll see you soon Ty

I love you so much

**Ty** : I love you too


	15. July 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!!!! Homophobic language in this chapter and the next one!!

 

** July 1 2:55AM **

 

**Restricted Number** : Is this Josh?

 

**Josh** : yeah, whos this?

 

**Restricted Number** : My buddy Chris said to call you for a good time

We can meet at a bar then head to my place if you’d like

 

**Josh** : im not gay dude

 

**Restricted Number** : Uh ok man, whatever floats your boat

 

**Josh** : im not a fucking fag

im straight


	16. July 1 (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!! Homophobic language again! I know some of you weren't expecting Josh to be using this language but hopefully you can still imagine Josh doing these things and such. I'm just trying to make him sound angry and I'd imagine someone using language like this if they were pissed off about themselves.

 

** July 1 9:43AM **

 

**Marky Mark** : yo josh, where’s your pink floral button down?

tyler wants it for a shoot.

 

**Spooky Jim** : i threw it out

 

**Marky Mark** : what? why?

 

**Spooky Jim** : its a dumb shirt

 

**Marky Mark** : you look really good in it dude.

 

**Spooky Jim** : no I dont

                    I look like an idiot in it

fucking stupid

I look like a fucking fag

 

**Marky Mark** : um

                     dude

is there something you want to talk about?

 

**Spooky Jim** : sorry

                    shit

                    i shouldnt have said that

                    im so stupid

im going to take a nap

 

**Marky Mark** : ok. i’ll talk to you later man.


	17. July 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of my favorite chapters I've written. It has some humor but it also carries that dark tone all my other chapters do lol
> 
> Also I think this is the longest chapter so far; they're starting to get longer and longer whoops
> 
> Tell me how you like the fic so far, what you like and don't like. Thanks for reading!!

** July 3 10:33AM **

 

**Mark** : tyler why haven’t you talked to josh yet?

 

**Tyler** : I’ve been busy with the tour and new music

i have a lot to do

 

**Jenna** : Why am I in this convo?

 

**Mark** : to convince tyler to talk to josh

 

**Jenna** : What, because I’m his wife??

 

**Tyler** : Mark, you and I can talk by ourselves.

 

**Jenna** : No I want to be a part of this now

           I care about Joshie too

 

**Tyler** : Sure, fine.

anyways, I have a lot of other things to do.

 

**Mark** : isn’t helping your best friend above everything else?

 

**Tyler** : Why don’t you help him.

 

**Mark** : i’ve tried,

and i’m not as close to him as you.

you should at least talk to him.

 

**Tyler** : You don’t think I’ve fucking tried?

every night he gets up from his bunk above me,

then locks himself in the bathroom and screams.

every goddamn night he does this,

and I’m the only person who wakes up to talk to him.

I try to get him to tell me what’s wrong,

and tells him he should see someone.

all I get back is “I’m fine, go back to sleep”.

Then he disappears right before a show and ends up in a goddamn McDonald’s dying 

his fucking hair brown.

so don’t you fucking tell me I haven’t done anything when you’re asleep and I’m trying to 

make sure my best friend doesn’t kill himself.

**Mark** : I, uh

sorry man.

 

**Tyler** : Is there anything else anyone wants to say?

 

**Jenna** : I think Josh is gay

 

**Tyler** : What?

 

**Mark** : yeah, i kinda agree.

 

**Tyler** : Why did no one tell me before?

 

**Mark** : it clicked for me two days ago when he said he threw out his floral button up.

 

**Tyler** : But he loved that shirt

 

**Mark** : yeah i know, that’s why i was confused.

then he said,

um, i don’t really want to type it out.

 

**Tyler** : Just do it.

 

**Mark** : he said he looked like a “faggot”.

 

**Jenna** : He also said he doesn’t have a problem with girls 

then changed the subject and stopped messaging me

 

**Tyler** : ok I’ll talk to him soon,

but I have no idea what to say.

I’ve had fans come out to me and tell me their secrets but this is different.

what if he gets angry with me?

we can’t stop the tour…

 

**Jenna** : Maybe a few people can talk to him together?

           Kinda like an intervention

 

**Tyler** : No, that’d scare him off.

I’ll find a good time.

don’t worry, I can do this.


	18. July 3 (Part 2)

** July 3 11:58PM **

 

**Ty** : I’m scared.

 

**Jenna <3**: Ty don’t worry

You’ll do fine 

 

**Ty** : But what if Josh gets angry,

and I ruin our friendship,

and we have to end the tour,

and the band splits.

 

**Jenna <3**: Tyler calm down that won’t happen

 

**Ty** : Jenna please,

just humor me for a second.

 

**Jenna <3**: I’m not going to let you think that will happen

because it won’t

The worst thing that happens is that you get in a small fight and make up a week later

You guys are best friends and one little fight won’t ruin it

 

**Ty** : I don’ t think it’ll be little.

 

**Jenna <3**: Ty stop worrying ok?

 

**Ty** : What do I even say?

How do I say, hey man it’s ok to be gay, when he can’t accept it himself

 

**Jenna <3**: He just needs to know someone supports him

Just tell him you love him no matter what and are always here for him

 

**Ty** : Jenna?

 

**Jenna <3**: Yeah Ty?

 

**Ty** : I love you.

I love you so much.

 

**Jenna <3**: I know babe

I love you too

Do you want to go get something to eat or take a walk?

To calm your nerves?

 

**Ty** : Yeah, I’ll meet you outside the bus in 5.

 

**Jenna** : See you soon Ty Ty


	19. July 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of the chapters I was talking about that had a lot of emotion and was intense haha. 
> 
> I've been writing later chapters and I got writers block for a little bit. I'm still not 100% on what I want to do before I get to the climax/end but I have an idea. Hopefully it'll be good and I can think of something!!
> 
> Enjoy this chapter and thanks again for all the kudos!!

** July 4 1:27PM **

 

**Ty** : Hey Joshy.

 

**Jishwa** : hi ty

 

**Ty** : You haven’t left your bed yet today, is something wrong?

 

**Jishwa** : no i’m just tired from the tour

             i just need to catch up on my beauty sleep haha

 

**Ty** : Are you sure there’s nothing you want to tell me?

 

**Jishwa** : im positive, everything is a-ok

 

**Ty** : Come on Josh, I know somethings wrong.

please tell me.

 

**Jishwa** : how many times do i have to tell everyone that i’m fine?

nothings wrong i just can’t sleep because of these stress nightmares

i need to take some sleeping pills or whatever

what is it called? ibuprofen? 

 

**Ty** : Ambien.

 

**Jishwa** : yea yea that

 

**Ty** : Just tell someone what’s on your mind, it doesn’t even have to be me.

      Jenna’s still here, you can talk to her.

 

**Jishwa** : dude im fine

 

**Ty** : Josh stop it.

      Stop fucking lying to me.

I see you get up from your bed and lock yourself in the bathroom then scream.

and don’t fucking try to tell me you’re sleep walking,

because I know there’s something wrong but you don’t want to tell anyone.

I rather you tell me what it is then have me guess.

 

**Jishwa** : im not fucking lying 

nothings wrong and nothing has ever been wrong

             everyone keeps overreacting and babying me

             shit dude

i can fucking handle myself

just leave me alone

             i dont want to talk to you anymore

 

**Ty** : Well, if you want to come out with us later we’ll be watching some fireworks.

      just let me know.

it’ll be unlit.

 

**Jishwa** : yea

             unlit


	20. July 4 (Part 2)

** July 4 9:43PM **

 

**Restricted Number** : hey happy 4th of july man

the name’s Justin

 

**Josh** : im josh

 

**Justin** : you lookin to do somethin tonight?

celebrate the 4th with some extra fireworks

maybe I can red, white, and blow you

 

**Josh** : only if you don’t make terrible puns

 

**Justin** : one more

let me put my john hancock on your declaration of independence 

 

**Josh** : just give me a time and a place

 

**Justin** : damn man you just want to get to the point

           how about 11pm at the 6th street bar 

get wasted then go back to my place

 

**Josh** : that sounds fine

 

**Justin** : see you then joshie boy


	21. July 5

** July 5 3:17 AM **

 

**Jishwa** : tylr

             ty

             anspwer ur phone

 

**Ty** : Hey, where are you buddy?

 

**Jishwa** : i dodnt know

             ttheres a lot cof cars here

             its realyly loud     

 

**Ty** : Are you ok? do you need me to come get you?

 

**Jishwa** : ty i catn find my hat

             where did mny hvat go?

 

**Ty** : Hey, Joshie, can you tell me where you are?

we can get you a new hat later.

 

**Jishwa** : ty ty

             im so soryr 

             i fuvcked up

             i ekeep fuzcking xup

             iym an idliot

 

**Ty** : No, no you’re not a idiot.

I’m the idiot,

I should’ve done something sooner.

 

**Jishwa** : noo ty

             you didnt dzo ahnything

 

**Ty** : No it’s my fault.

      Goddammit you’re my best friend Josh.

 

**Jishwa** : yyour my bestestt fren

             ty?

 

**Ty** : Yeah Josh?

 

**Jishwa** : yi tshink im art arn aquarirum 

             can we sjee rthe fishies?

 

**Ty** : We can go see the fishies tomorrow.

stay right there I’m coming to get you.

 

**Jishwa** : ok thansk ty

             ill find ouit when it opens so wve acn go

 

**Ty** : Sure Jishwa,

sure thing.


	22. July 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not happy with the newer chapters I've been writing, not this one, like chapter 27 or whatever. I feel like I might be dragging it out too much. Hopefully I can make the future chapters better and it doesn't feel like its dragging on.

** July 7 10:20 PM **

 

**Tyler** : Ash I need you to talk to Josh.

 

**Ashley** : Oh hi Tyler great to hear from u after forever

 

**Tyler** : Oh sorry.

Hi Ashley how are you doing?

 

**Ashley** : I’m good, just touring 

             the ushe

yuzz?

             let me try again

             I’m good, just touring, as per usual

             How r u Ty?

 

**Tyler** : I'm fine.

Actually no I'm not 

Everything's falling apart

 

**Ashley** : What do u mean?

 

**Tyler** : Josh is in a downward spiral.

he stopped talking to me, 

he stopped eating, 

he screams all the time,

he doesn’t sleep,

hes been drinking,

the fans are starting to catch on that somethings wrong,

 

**Ashley** : holy crap hold on 

             What the fuck is going on over there?

 

**Tyler** : To be honest, I have no idea.

ever since the tour started, Josh has been getting worse.

I know he’s had problems in the past with stuff like anxiety and depression,

but I have no idea what this is.

 

**Ashley** : Did he tell u anything at all?

 

**Tyler** : No..but Mark and Jenna said that they think Josh is gay.

 

**Ashley** : I KNEW IT

             that sonofabitch

 

**Tyler** : What?

 

**Ashley** : I’ve been trying to get it out of him for ages

since that time we went to a gay bar

 

**Tyler** : You guys went to a gay bar??

 

**Ashley** : Yeah it was awesome

             and Josh kept eyeing some cute guy but would get upset when we mentioned it

             Anyways, he’s having a problem accepting the fact right?

 

**Tyler** : That’s what I think, yeah.

 

**Ashley** : And you want me to talk to him because I’m ur only LGBTQA+ friend?

 

**Tyler** : No! no that’s not it!

You’re close to Josh and have dealt with similar issues.

I’d be forever grateful if you did this.

I don’t want to lose him.

 

**Ashley** : I’ll text him

             don’t worry Tyler

             everything will be fine      


	23. July 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a Joshler person but I read Joshler all night and cried

** July 8 10:58 PM **

 

**Restricted Number** : hi beautiful, you looking to have some fun?

 

**Josh** : what do you have in mind?

 

**Restricted Number** : well, we can have a sweet romantic dinner under the stars then watch a 

                                romcom in our onesies until we fall asleep in each others arms

                                but thats boring.

I think we should play around with some poppers and molly

really get us in that mood

and not stop till the sun rises

how does that sound sweetheart?

 

**Josh** : i dont know..

 

**Restricted Number** : come on babe, ill make sure we have a good time

everything will be fine

 

**Josh** : ok sure

 

**Restricted Number** : great :)

                                meet me outside the motel 8 in town at 11:30

i’ll bring the goods and you bring your body

 

**Josh** : see you then

 

**Restricted Number** : bye for now beautiful


	24. July 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was actually pretty hard to write Josh’s lines lol

** July 9 5:03 AM **

 

**Joshie** : Jeeee33eeennnnnaaaaa

            Jennnnnnnn

 

**Jenna** : Hey Joshie

           It’s so early, what are you doing?

 

**Joshie** : ii jujst wanteddd tyoo saay i careeeeee mabout yyooouuu

            yiouree aaa grrreaaatt freinddd

            asndd i loovee3 uu

 

**Jenna** : Aww thanks Josh

but, um

           are you ok?

 

**Joshie** : ye3aa iumm rreaasll gooid

            imm sooi happpyy

 

**Jenna** : Thats really good Josh, but can you tell me where you are?

 

**Joshie** : i thjinkk iim floaatingg

            evrithingss reaal ffuzzzy andd brighjt

 

**Jenna** : I need to know a place Joshie, so I can come get you

           Do you want me to get Tyler?

 

**Joshie** : nononoooonoooo donttt5 plezsee

            ddo0nnt teeeell tyy

            hhee cannnnt knwow

 

**Jenna** : Ok I won’t tell Ty but you need to tell me where you are

 

**Joshie** : i0m at aaaa mo0teee3l 8

 

**Jenna** : I’m on my way Joshie, is it ok if Michael comes too?

 

**Joshie** : yew3eah iii loevee mikeyy

 

**Jenna** : We’ll be there soon

           Stay right there

 

**Joshie** : okkk jennaa

            ii loiuve uu

 

**Jenna** : Love you too Joshie


	25. July 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late! I slept for a grand total of 3 hours then drove 5 hours to university. I forgot how much I hate this place. It's horrible. Maybe I'll be able to come up with even more depressing fics then.

** July 10 9:50 PM **

 

**Ash** : hey Joshwa

I heard u had a wild night last night

 

**Joshwa** : i dont want to talk about it

 

**Ash** : awww come on Joshie boi, I want to know the deets

 

**Joshwa** : Ash stop, it wasnt like it was a highlight of my life

 

**Ash** : what, like fucking a guy on drugs isnt exciting?

 

**Joshwa** : what?

              what are you talking about?

 

**Ash** : don’t play dumb with me Josh

I know ur dealing with something difficult

shit dude, I was in the same fucking situation

there’s been points in my life I didn’t want to accept myself and found ways to cope

sometimes drugs

sometimes booze

sometimes sex

but all ur doing is hurting urself and everyone around u

u think Tyler doesn’t notice when you sneak away at night?

        he’s afraid of losing u

 I dont want to lose u either Joshie

 

**Joshwa** : what the hell are you talking about ashley

 

**Ash** : wtf Josh

I know ur gay

Tyler, Jenna, and Mark know ur gay

 

**Joshwa** : im not fucking gay ashley

              stop saying that

              im straight

              i had a fucking girlfriend

 

**Ash** : u want me to go ask Debby if ur gay?

 

**Joshwa** : dont drag her into this

 

**Ash** : then admit it Josh

if not for me for urself 

 

**Joshwa** : i swear to fucking god ashley im not gay

 

**Ash** : I can help u Josh!!

        everything will so much better!!

 

**Joshwa** : IM NOT GAY

 

**Ash** : please Joshie

please stop doing this to urself

 

**Joshwa** : im not a fucking freak like you

 

**Ash** : Josh…

 

**Joshwa** : i dont want you to text me anymore

              or call me

              or message me anywhere

 

**Ash** : Don’t do this

 

**Joshwa** : bye ashley


	26. July 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter that I wrote after looking at Jebby on Instagram and I wanted to die because they were so cute and Josh was so happy oh god I'm going to cry.
> 
> Also I feel better at school now, I don't really want to die anymore lol. Classes start again tomorrow so we'll see how that goes.

** July 11 4:58 AM **

 

 **Alien Punk** : i messed up

                   everythings fucked up and its all my fault

why am i so dumb

im so stupid

i keep fucking stuff up and ruining everything

i hurt all my friends

i hurt my best friend

this is our biggest tour and im ruining it

god fucking dammit

this was everything we dreamed of

but im just living in this shitty nightmare that i cant wake up from

oh god tyler

                   this was his everything

                   he lived and breathed this tour

                   he was so excited 

                   im ruining it

im killing his dream

fuck

                   im so scared debs

                   everythings falling apart

                   i dont know what to do anymore

                   im just so tired

                   i keep living this lie

                   and it hurts me so fucking much

i want it to be gone

                   i just want to be done

                   im so fucking tired debs

 

**Songbird** : Josh just take a deep breath

                Everyone has bad days and makes mistakes

                Don’t give up now   

                Just remember I’ll always be here when you need me

                And when the time comes, I’ll help you talk to them

 

**Alien Punk** : sometimes I wish I could make an exception for you

but i guess my feelings dont work that way

 

**Songbird** : Love you

 

**Alien Punk** : love you too


	27. July 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a cute lil fic with Jenna and Tyler to take away your sadness

** July 12 11:06 AM **

 

**Ty** : Jenna can you come sit with me?

 

**Jenna <3**: Where are you?

 

**Ty** : I’m on top of one of the rocks at the amphitheater.

      I wish we could play here a few more days.

I love just sitting on top looking out,

especially at night when the citys all lit up.

 

**Jenna <3**: It’s late and you have to wake up early tomorrow for an interview

 

**Ty** : I know, I know.

      I just need some time to think,

and I can’t think of anywhere better than here.

when we’re old and our children forget about us we should move to a house on a hill  

overlooking Columbus.

I don’t even know if there is a hill near Columbus

 

**Jenna <3**: Ty come to bed, you need to rest

 

**Ty** : I’ll only be woken up again later tonight anyways.

 

**Jenna <3**: Ty…

 

**Ty** : Come distract me please.

      you need to see this view.

 

**Jenna <3**: Sure Ty, I’ll come sit with you for a bit then we can go back inside.

 

**Ty** : Ok Jenna.

      I love you.

 

**Jenna <3**: Love you too Ty Ty


	28. July 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another sweet chapter.
> 
> These chapters are going to start to slow down because I have class and a job now. I'll still try to upload a chapter a day!

** July 13 10:45 PM **

 

**Jishwa** : you did really well today ty

 

**Ty** : Thanks Josh.

you did well too.

 

**Jishwa** : thanks

 

**Ty** : Josh?

 

**Jishwa** : yea?

 

**Ty** : I’m really proud of you.

You’ve worked so hard to get to where you are now,

practicing day and night, leaving your job when we first started.

now look where we are.

 

**Jishwa** : no ty you shouldnt be proud of me

             i dont deserve it

 

**Ty** : Bullshit. 

you’re a great drummer,

a great person,

a great friend,

 

**Jishwa** : tyler…

 

**Ty** : I know you’ve been having a really rough few weeks,

      and sometimes you’ve been angry and upset,

but I’m proud that you’ve gotten to this moment.

there were so many times you could’ve stopped but you didn’t.

so don’t stop now Jishwa.

 

**Jishwa** : i won’t ty

             i promise


	29. July 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm feeling less and less happy about where this fic is going. I know the fic is almost over but I don't want to drag it out. 
> 
> Anyways here's another exciting chapter ~~~~~~

** July 14 11:36PM **

 

**Jishwa** : hey ty im going to a club right off the strip

             i just wanted to let you know

 

**Ty** : Thanks Joshie. 

text me if you need anything at all.

 

**Jishwa** : um

             do you want to come with me?

             itd be better than going alone

             i don't want to be alone anymore

 

**Ty** : Yeah that sounds fun. 

just you and me?

 

**Jishwa** : if we could yea 

             i just dont feel comfortable going with others right now

 

**Ty** : That’s fine Jishwa.

 

**Jishwa** : and uh

             its a different type of club

             is that ok?

 

**Ty** : Yeah thats ok :)

We can do whatever you want.

      I’ll meet you outside in 5 Joshie.

 

**Jishwa** : kk see you then


	30. July 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You thought everything was gonna end up happy, right?
> 
> WELL YOU WERE WRONG

** July 15 2:29AM  **

 

**Ty** : Hey josh where are you?

We should get back to the bus,

don't forget we have a concert tomorrow.

Joshie?

Did you go outside? 

Are you smoking?

You don't smoke, never mind.

Oh god what,

What is this.

Josh where are you

Oh god it’s everywhere.

Josh why is there blood in this alleyway

      JOSH WHERE ARE YOU

Did you wear your grey hat to the club?

You did, oh god.

it’s covered in blood

Josh tell me where you are

I can help you

      Are you even getting these texts??

      I’m calling Michael.

We’ll find you Jishwa.

I’ll find you.


	31. July 15 (Part 2)

** July 15 2:33AM  **

 

**Baby Boy** : michael answer ur phone

why didnt u pick up

michael josh is ismsing 

josh is missing

i donit knmow wher he is

i dont know where he is

theres so much blo0d

bloodf

blood

 

**Mikey** : Tyler calm down where are you

 

**Baby Boy** : im on the strip outside a club

im holding joshies hat 

so much bloodd

blood

 

**Mikey** : He’s not on the bus

Wait

 

**Baby Boy** : what if hess dead??

 

**Mikey** : He’s here

He just got on the bus

            Shit he’s bleeding badly

 

**Baby Boy** : helpp him

 

**Mikey** : I’m taking him to the hospital

Tyler get back here now

 

**Baby Boy** : ok

take care of joshie please

 

**Mikey** : He’ll be alright


	32. July 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy stories are boring

** July 17 5:12PM  **

 

**Ty** : Hey Jishwa, how are you feeling?

 

**Jishwa** : sore

             my face hurts still

             my whole body hurts

             but im ok

 

**Ty** : Did you put on new bandages?

Do you want some advil?

Did the doctors say if you got a concussion? 

 

**Jishwa** : yes, no, and i have a slight one

 

**Ty** : Dammit Josh I’m sorry

I should’ve stayed with you

 

**Jishwa** : no its not your fault

             we shouldve stayed on the bus

 

**Ty** : Did you talk to the police yet?

 

**Jishwa** : no I dont want to

 

**Ty** : Josh you need to file a police report.

It was a hate crime.

 

**Jishwa** : no it wasnt it was just some dumb fight

 

**Ty** : Come on jishwa, 

What did they scream at you.

 

**Jishwa** : Nothing normal stuff

 

**Ty** : Josh what did they call you

 

**Jishwa** : A fag

 

**Ty** : That’s a hate crime.

 

**Jishwa** : its a common insult!

             it doesnt apply to me

 

**Ty** : Joshie don't do this again.

 

**Jishwa** : tyler stop

 

**Ty** : Please Josh.

 

**Jishwa** : I’m fine

             I'm not gay


	33. July 19

** July 19 1:33 PM  **

 

**Tyler** : Debby I need you to come help Josh.

 

**Debby** : What? Why?

            Last time I hear from him he was fine

 

**Tyler** : He was for a bit.

He was his normal happy self again, 

I missed him so much.

He’s gone again.

 

**Debby** : What do you mean gone?

 

**Tyler** : I’m losing him Debby.

          My best friend,

          Debby he’s my best friend.

 

**Debby** : Tyler what the fuck is going on.

 

**Tyler** : Josh finally started to be comfortable with himself,

I saw him smile again after so long,

but there was a fight,

well

it was more of an attack.

 

**Debby** : Oh god is he ok??

 

**Tyler** : He got beaten up pretty bad.

          Michael took him to the hospital and he got some stitches and patched him up.

He also has a concussion.

 

**Debby** : What the hell??

            Why was he attacked?

 

**Tyler** : He told me not to bring this up with you.

 

**Debby** : Tyler fucking tell me, I’m his friend too

 

**Tyler** : Josh is gay.

I think this attack was a hate crime.

 

**Debby** : I never thought this would happen

            It’s my fault

 

**Tyler** : It was a random attack, you couldn’t have done anything.

 

**Debby** : I told him to go to that club Tyler

 

**Tyler** : What?

 

**Debby** : I’ve known Josh was gay since we were together

            I told him to go and have fun

            to feel better about himself and see the world is ok

            I said he’d be safe

 

**Tyler** : You knew?

 

**Debby** : I’m so sorry Tyler

            I should’ve told you

 

**Tyler** : You’ve known for years

Was he afraid to tell me?

Does he trust me?

 

**Debby** : He trusts you Ty

            You’re his best friend don’t worry

 

**Tyler** : My best friend is gay and never told me.

          He’s been self-destructing and I had to find out on my own why.

I haven’t been able to do fucking anything for him because I didn’t know,

and the first time he reaches out he almost dies.

 

**Debby** : I can try to come join you

            I’ll tell the producers it’s an emergency

 

**Tyler** : We’ll be in LA in a few days, you can talk to him then.

 

**Debby** : I’ll make sure I’m free

            I’m so sorry Tyler

 

**Tyler** : I’ll see you then.


	34. July 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so emo

** July 22 10:52 PM  **

 

**Alien Punk** : what did you do

 

**Songbird** : What?

 

**Alien Punk** : you told him you knew

 

**Songbird** : I have no idea what you’re talking about

 

**Alien Punk** : bullshit

you told him I was gay

                    this was a secret

                    you were the only one i told

 

**Songbird** : Joshie he already knew

 

**Alien Punk** : no he didnt!

                    i made sure he didnt

                    he was never sure

                    and now he knows

 

**Songbird** : He told me you were attacked!

He said you haven’t gone to the police either

 

**Alien Punk** : i wanted to keep this a secret

                   i cant if the police get involved

 

**Songbird** : Josh they’ll find the people that hurt you!

                Don’t you want to get them off the streets?

Protect other people who might be in danger? 

 

**Alien Punk** : stop debby

                    this is your fault

                    you told me to go to this club

 

**Songbird** : Josh I wanted to help you

You needed to branch out

 

**Alien Punk** : look what you did

i almost died because of you

 

**Songbird** : Joshie please

 

**Alien Punk** : this is all your fucking fault

                   i was fine

                   i shouldnt have told you

                   i shouldnt have trusted you

                   now everythings ruined        

 

**Songbird** : Let me help you Josh

                 Please I’m begging you

You need help

 

**Alien Punk** : IM FINE 

                    I DONT NEED YOU

                    I DONT NEED ANYBODY

                    I WAS SAFE

                    I WAS HAPPY

 

**Songbird** : YOU WERE DYING JOSH

                 YOU’RE DYING

 

**Alien Punk** : I RATHER BE DEAD THAN HERE WITH FUCKING LIARS AND PEOPLE THAT PRETEND TO CARE

IM DONE

 

**Songbird** : Josh stop I’ll come talk to you tomorrow

 

**Alien Punk** : i dont want to see you

 

**Songbird** : We can talk this over

 

**Alien Punk** : no we’re done

                    i dont want to see you

                    ever

 

**Songbird** : You’re my best friend Josh

 

**Alien Punk** :no

                   i dont have any friends


	35. July 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn't upload a chapter last night, I got drunk for the first time ever lol

** July 25 4:08 PM  **

 

**Marko** : what do we do about Josh?

 

**Tyjo** : He’s better,

he stopped screaming at night

 

**Marko** : Ty you know he isnt getting better

 

**Tyjo** : He just needs more time.

 

**Marko** : he barely eats or sleeps.

I haven’t seen him smile in days.

 

**Tyjo** : He just needs some more rest.

 

**Marko** : I think we need to send him somewhere.

 

**Tyjo** : He’s already been to the hospital.

 

**Marko** : I mean something more…

            specialized

 

**Tyjo** : A fucking insane asylum??

He’ll die there.

 

**Marko** : not an insane asylum dude

            like a psychiatric hospital

 

**Tyjo** : We’re in the middle of a tour, 

we can’t cancel the rest of the concerts.

What will the fans think?

 

**Marko** : Ty, Josh isnt going to get better if we do nothing

            he needs special help

            something we cant do

            and that might require ending the tour early

 

**Tyjo** : No we can’t.

We cant’.

 

**Marko** : Josh is going to die if we leave him like this

 

**Tyjo** : Can’t we just get a therapist?

 

**Marko** : he wouldn’t go if we got him one

 

**Tyjo** : So you’re going to force him to go to a hospital for crazies?

 

**Marko** : Ty stop it

            it’ll help him

 

**Tyjo** : No I can help him,

I’ll make everything better.

Give me a week.

 

**Marko** : fine…you have a week to make some improvement.

 

**Tyjo** : Everything will be ok.

I can do this.


	36. July 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a dream Halsey bought me an ice cream cake and I bought her Mike's Hard Lemonade...it was a nice dream

** July 28 3:42 PM  **

 

**Jishwa** : hey ty 

 

**Ty** : Hey Jishwa, how are you?

 

**Jishwa** : im fine

i still have a headache 

but the bruises are almost gone

 

**Ty** : That’s good.

I'm happy you’re doing better.

 

**Jishwa** : yeah

ty?

 

**Ty** : Mhm?

 

**Jishwa** : do you ever feel...

             empty?

 

**Ty** : What do you mean?

 

**Jishwa** : i mean like

all this good stuff is happening 

the tour, new songs, getting awards

but I dont feel proud

i dont really feel anything 

 

**Ty** : Yea I've felt that,

I've felt that a lot.

 

**Jishwa** : Does it go away?

 

**Ty** : Sometimes.

 

**Jishwa** : oh 

 

**Ty** : Josh, Mark and I were talking.

 

**Jishwa** : about me?

 

**Ty** : Yeah.

 

**Jishwa** : what did you guys talk about

 

**Ty** : Mark wants to send you away.

 

**Jishwa** : what the fuck are you talking about

 

**Ty** : He thinks you'll do better in a psychiatric hospital.

 

**Jishwa** : what the fuck

no thats stupid

i dont need to go 

tyler I'm fine tell him in fine

 

**Ty** : Josh we all know you aren't fine,

You need to see someone.

 

**Jishwa** : dont fucking send me away Tyler

what about the tour?

 

**Ty** : I know,

I don't want you to go either.

I want to continue this tour,

But if you keep deteriorating mark said he'll have to.

 

**Jishwa** : ill get better

please Tyler

im trying

we'll finish this tour

then Ill get help

 

**Ty** : Ok josh

I'll tell mark

 

**Jishwa** : youre my best friend ty

i want to stay here with you

 

**Ty** : Me too Joshie

 

** July 28 10:35 PM  **

 

**Spooky Jim** : i dont want to hear from you anymore

i you need anything from me ask Tyler 


	37. August 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm behind on writing, I haven't written anything in a couple days because I've been busy since school started. I'll still try to do one chapter a day. We are almost at the end!

** August 1 6:17 PM  **

 

**Dog Breath** : mike im going on a walk

 

**Gibby** : I'll come with you

 

**Dog Breath** : no I want to be alone

 

**Gibby** : I can't let you do that josh

 

**Dog Breath** : what? i just want to clear my head

 

**Gibby** : After everything that's been going on I can't let you walk alone

 

**Dog Breath** : what? youre joking right?

 

**Gibby** : Sorry josh, you're not allowed to be alone anymore

 

**Dog Breath** : what the fuck dude. im not a baby 

I cant believe this

who told you to do this?

 

**Gibby** : We all talked about it

 

**Dog Breath** : no, fuck you I can do whatever I want

im a fucking adult

if I want to go on a walk alone ill fucking do it

 

**Gibby** : I’ll have to physically stop you josh

And I don't want to do that

 

**Dog Breath** : then dont

 

**Gibby** : Josh I'm trying to help you

As security and your friend

 

**Dog Breath** : youre not my fucking friend


	38. August 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may have cried while writing this.

** August 2 9:56 AM **

 

**Jishwa** : are you trying to make me go crazy?

because youre succeeding

 

**Ty** : What?

 

**Jishwa** : dont fucking play dumb with me

             why cant i be alone anymore?

             i just want to be alone

 

**Ty** : Josh, I didn’t want to do it.

 

**Jishwa** : bullshit

 

**Ty** : We all agreed it would be best.

We’re worried about you,

about what you could do.

 

**Jishwa** : im not going to do anything stupid

             i have everything under control

 

**Ty** : You’ve been erratic.

I’m sorry Josh,

but we can’t really trust you.

 

**Jishwa** : you cant trust me?

             im your best friend

             arent i?

 

**Ty** : You are.

 

**Jishwa** : then why cant you let me go on a walk alone?

 

**Ty** : Come on Josh.

 

**Jishwa** : NO

             im sick of this

             im sick of being treated like a child

             i can make my own decisions

             ill fuck up if i want

 

**Ty** : I’m doing this because I care about you.

 

**Jishwa** : stop caring about me

 

** August 2 7:12PM **

 

**Jishwa** : im sorry

 

**Ty** : You don’t need to apologize.

 

**Jishwa** : i do

             im sorry ty

             im so sorry


	39. August 3 - 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully you all are getting the emails that these chapters are being uploaded! I know theres been some problems with that the last few days.

** August 3 8:04 PM  **

 

**Jenna** : Josh, do you want to go to dinner with me and Ty?

 

**Joshie** : maybe another time

 

**Jenna** : Ok

 

** August 4 9:55 AM  **

 

**Jenna** : Hey Joshie, Ty wanted me to tell you the meet and greets in 5 minutes

 

**Joshie** : I dont feel well enough, sorry  

 

**Jenna** : Ok Joshie

 

** August 4 7:28 PM  **

 

**Jenna** : Mark got pizza, do you want some?

 

**Joshie** : im not hungry

 

**Jenna** : Ok no problem

 

** August 5 11:39 AM  **

 

**Jenna** : Tyler wants to know if you will show up to the interview today 

he said he can just talk the whole time so you don't have to

 

**Joshie** : I think I'm too sick

            tell the interviewer I really wish I could meet them 

            but I've been told to stay in bed

 

**Jenna** : Ok 

 

** August 5 9:02 PM  **

 

**Jenna** : I'm always here to talk you know 

I care about you

 

**Joshie** : im fine

 

**Jenna** : ok josh

 

** August 6 1:41 PM  **

 

**Jenna** : You missed another interview josh

 

**Joshie** : I'm sick

 

**Jenna** : are you sure you're ok?

 

**Joshie** : im fine, stop fucking pestering me

            i want to be left alone

 

**Jenna** : Ok josh, sorry

I won't bother you anymore 


	40. August 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen to EDEN's cover of Hey Ya while you read this fic and you will cry you're damn eyes out.

**August 10 8:23 PM**

**Ty** : Hey Jishwa.

 

**Jishwa** : hey

 

**Ty** : Are you ready for tonight?

We've been waiting for this day for so long.

Madison Square Garden

The World’s Most Famous Arena

 

**Jishwa** : im nervous 

 

**Ty** : Me too

 

**Jishwa** : i dont know if i can do this

 

**Ty** : You can Josh,

You've done so much.

Just think of this as any other concert.

These are our fans who have been with us through the thick and thin,

they care about us,

they're like our family.

 

**Jishwa** : but this is different

 

**Ty** : We’ve performed in front of bigger crowds,

In front of famous people.

We'll be playing in front of our friends tonight.

 

**Jishwa** : i guess youre right

i just have a lot on my mind

 

**Ty** : I know Joshie.

You know you can tell me anything. 

You're my best friend,

I love you.

 

**Jishwa** : thanks ty

 

**Ty** : We’ll do great.

You'll do great.

If you want I can trip to make you look good.

 

**Jishwa** : i dont want you to get hurt

 

**Ty** : I don't want you to get hurt either. 

 

**Jishwa** : i wont

i promise


	41. August 10 (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The awkward moment when I forgot to put a title on the chapter before this...whoops
> 
> ALSO NEW BASTILLE ALBUM WOOOO

** August 10 11:45 PM  **

 

**Restricted Number** : hey is this Josh?

 

**Josh** : what do you want

 

**Restricted Number** : i uh

i found your number on a site

 

**Josh** : im not in the mood to do anything tonight

sorry

 

**Restricted Number** : no i don’t want to do anything

im a big fan 

                                 i saw you tonight at MSG

                                 and i just wanted to thank you

                                 for everything youve done for me

 

**Josh** : dont say that

 

**Restricted Number** : you helped me so much

                                 youre the reason im still here

**Josh** : stop it

please

 

**Restricted Number** : youve helped me the nights ive stayed up crying

                                 the days ive had too much and wanted it to be over

                                 the times ive stood in front of the mirror clutching a bottle of pills

                                 youve saved me

                                 youve given me the strength to keep going

                                 to wake up in the morning and get out of bed

                                 you saved my life

 

**Josh** :no i didnt

i didnt do anything

i havent done anything

im just a failure

 

**Restricted Number** : are you ok?

 

**Josh** : no

no im not


	42. August 11

** August 11 2:37 PM  **

 

**Ty** : Just one more night,

then we can rest.

 

**Jishwa** : just one more

 

**Ty** : You can do this Josh.

 

**Jishwa** : im so tired

 

**Ty** : I know,

but we’ve come so far.

Look how well you’ve done.

 

**Jishwa** : everythings a mess

 

**Ty** : Nothing that can’t be fixed.

 

**Jishwa** : it cant

 

**Ty** : Yes it can.

Everything will be fine Josh.

We will get up on that stage,

I’ll scream my lungs out and you’ll beat the drums until your hands bleed.

the fans will cry,

we will cry,

and then we’ll walk off the stage,

and I’ll let you breakdown in my arms if you want.

We’ll help you get better Joshie.

I’ll do everything I can,

I promise.

 

**Jishwa** : no one can help me

 

**Ty** : We can,

I can.

 

**Jishwa** : its too late ty

 

**Ty** : No it’s not.

For the love of God it’s not.

 

**Jishwa** : i cant change

im gross and sick and i cant change it

 

**Ty** : You don’t need to change.

You’re perfect Josh.

I just want you happy.

 

**Jishwa** : i want to be

 

**Ty** : Then let's go play our fucking hearts out,

and I swear to God that every day from now will be better than the last.

 

**Jishwa** : ok ty

             one last time

             lets go


	43. August 11 (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT:  
> So I'm in the middle of writing the final chapter....should I kill Josh or no?

** August 11 11:08 PM  **

 

**Jishwa** : we did it


	44. August 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry

** August 12 12:55 PM  **

 

**Ty** : Everyone's going out to celebrate, you wanna come Jishwa?

It'll be fun I promise

Or we could just do something together if you don't feel well.

We could get a whole lot of Taco Bell and watch something stupid,

to take your mind off everything.

I know this tour took a lot out of you,

and you didn’t seem very good after we ended.

Do you want to talk,

About…well, anything?

Josh?

Hey can you answer me just so I know you’re ok?

 

**Jishwa** : im not

 

**Ty** : What’s wrong?

**Jishwa** : im so sorry ty

 

**Ty** : What are you talking about?

Josh?

What are you doing?

 

**Jishwa** : this is it

 

**Ty** : Josh, what’s going on.

 

**Jishwa** : im sorry i kept you up so many nights

             with my screaming

             but it helped me

letting everything out through my mouth and my fists

             but it hurt you

             and it wont help anymore

 

**Ty** : Call me right now.

Goddammit Josh.

 

**Jishwa** : these…feelings

             these sick, disgusting feelings

             theyre too strong

             i want to tear them out of me

             i dont want to hurt you anymore

             i dont want to hurt anyone anymore

             my friends will be happy without me

             i made sure

 

**Ty** : Stop it Josh.

Where are you?

Tell me right now.

 

**Jishwa** : i cant

 

**Ty** : yes you can

yes you can Josh tell me where you are

 

**Jishwa** : we did it ty

 

**Ty** : Josh

 

**Jishwa** : we made it to the end 

 

**Ty** : This isn’t the end.

 

**Jishwa** : it is for me 

 

**Ty** : Live for me Josh

Fucking live for me

 

**Jishwa** : i cant ty

             im sorry but i cant

 

**Ty** : Josh I’ll help you please

Goddammit I’ll make things better

Josh??

For the love of God answer me

Josh where are you??

Joshie 

You’re my best friend

I can’t lose you

I can’t do this alone

Josh please

oh god please


	45. August 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be one more chapter after this, it'll be a little different. Also, it won't be published until Friday (because I gotta finish writing it).

** August 19 10:27 AM **

 

**Ty** : I'm going to visit him.

 

**Jenna <3**: do you want me to come with you?

 

**Ty** : I think it's better if I go alone.

 

**Jenna <3**: Ok Ty

I love you

 

**Ty** : I love you too. 


	46. August 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go

** August 19 11:00 AM **

The walls are white and smell like bleach. 

 

Tyler walks down the long stretch, a distant beeping drawing him closer. On either side of him are rooms of the sick and dying, many surrounded by their family members, some not. Some of the patients have been here for days, other for weeks and some for months. Tyler wonders who has been here the longest. 

 

Doctors and nurses weave in and out of the rooms, scribbling notes on clipboards and rolling in carts of drugs. One nurse looks up at Tyler and smiles, she sees his sunken eyes and trembling hands. 

 

Tyler can't smile back.

 

The nurse turns a corner and is lost in the maze of the hospital. Tyler continues down the endless hall, bracing himself for the nightmare before him. He clasp his hand together, trying to control his anxious shaking, but it only worsens. A few feet ahead he can hear muffled sobs and the scratches of a pen on paper. 

 

"Time of death, 11:03 AM."  Tyler passes the room as a cry escapes the women's lips and she collapsed into a chair. 

 

His breathing quickens, heart pounding against the prison of his ribs and clawing at his throat. Tyler snaps the rubber band on his wrist, trying to stay in reality. He finally stops in front of a doorway identical to the others on the hall, the only difference was the metal numbers "201" bolted on the wall.

 

In the room was a brown haired boy who couldn't fully get the pink out of his hair. He lays silent in a white walled room with bars over the windows and machines that beep rhythmically. With each shallow breath his chest rises and with each exhale he shakes. 

 

“Josh?”

 

The boy groans and tries to roll over, but the straps on his arms pin him in place. He yelps as he yanks his arm, trying to free himself.

 

"Josh stop it, it's me Tyler."

 

Groggily he looks up. His eyes widen once Tyler comes into focus.

 

“Ty..." He groans.

 

"Shh I'm here with you, it's ok." Tyler places his hand on Josh's shoulder but Josh shrugs him off.

 

"I-I messed up.” Josh tries to cover his face with his hands but his arms are stuck in place; instead he buries himself in the sheets.

 

"I know, I did too.” 

 

"No, it's my fault,” Josh frowns at Tyler. "Don't try to blame yourself."

 

"But you're my best friend, I should've done something."

 

"You did, you tried. Everyone tried."

 

The beeping of the machines fill the silent void. Tyler wants to hug Josh, to free him from his demons and heal the wounds in his heart and on his arms; but he can't even protect him from himself. 

 

"I've been in your spot before.” Tyler says.

 

Josh nods, he’s heard the stories from Jenna.

 

"And I can never forget the fear and sadness on my parents face. Their little boy tried to kill himself. How could that ever happen to them? They were just a normal family in a normal suburb in normal Ohio. But I ruined that. And I hurt them so much. Nothing good came out of that. I was still depressed, still anxious, all that I did was worry my friends and family; I made their lives a disaster.”

 

"I know, I fucked up".

 

"That's not the point," Tyler walked towards the window. “The point is I realized that killing myself didn't do any good. I would've ruined my family's life, my friends’ lives. Twenty one pilots would’ve never existed. Some of our fans might not even be here today. Now I've learnt to deal with my demons, the voices that tell me I’m worthless. And even when I think the world is going to end and I should give up, I have my friends, my family, my fans to keep me going."

 

"Tyler this is different. I'm different,” Josh's eyes swelled up with tears. "Ty I don't want to live a lie anymore. I want to be happy."

 

Josh tries to wipe the tears running down his face, but the straps yank in resistance.

 

"God dammit!" Josh cries.

 

"I got it, I got it." Tyler hurries over to Josh and wipes the tears from his face. 

 

The room is silent again except for the noise of the machinery and the small gasps from Josh as he tries to control his sobs. Tyler sits on the end of the bed and grabs Josh's hand.

 

"T-Ty?" Josh stammers. 

 

"What?"

 

"I need to tell you something.”

 

"Sure thing Josh," Tyler squeezed Josh's hand. "You can tell me anything."

 

"Oh god I can't do this." 

 

"I'll love you no matter what Josh."

 

“Ok, ok," Josh bites his bottom lip, the tears swelling up again. "Ty. Goddammit Tyler I'm gay."

 

Josh didn't know he was holding his breath until he let out a great sigh. He feels as he's been holding his breath for months, hands wrapped around his throat, dragging him down. Tears spattered the white sheets, and Tyler was there to wipe them away.  


 

"I've like men my whole life Ty," Josh cries. "My whole fucking life and no one knew. I tried to hide it, tell myself it's just a phase and I'm being stupid. But I've spent nights in bed with strangers and I knew I was lying to myself. I was killing myself, but I couldn't seem to stop Ty, I couldn't stop. And now look where I am, in a hospital after I slit my wrists. I was ready to die. I wanted to die so bad. And then of course it had to be you to find me, fallen over in the tour bus with blood pouring out of me. Oh god there's probably blood everywhere. Im so sorry. Shit Tyler I'm so sorry." 

 

"It's ok Josh.”

 

"No it's not, I ruined the whole tour, all your dreams for this."

 

"No you didn’t.”  


"Yes I did. Don't lie to yourself. I was a disaster the whole time and then on our final night I try to kill myself. I'm probably bringing back all your bad memories. God dammit I'm sorry Ty."

 

"Josh I'm fine. All I care about right now if you." 

 

"What about the band? I guess I ruined that too. All our hard work down the fucking drain. And our fans, they're going to be so heartbroken. Oh god what if they try-"

 

"Hey," Tyler grabs Josh's face. "twenty one pilots isn't breaking up because of this. We're stronger now, you're stronger. You'll get better, you'll heal, both your arms and your heart then we can play again. Record some great songs and scream them with our fans. We'll be better than ever. We'll be the best fucking band Josh, I promise."

 

Josh collapses into Tyler, his tears staining Tyler’s coat.

 

"I wish I could start over." Josh mumbles into the crook of Tyler's neck.

 

“The let's start over.” Tyler reaches over Josh and grabs his phone. After fiddling with a few buttons Tyler puts the phone back down.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“We're starting over.”  


 

Tyler pulls out his own phone and clicks on messages. He scrolls down until he sees the name Jishwa. Months of agony and torment were hidden behind that name, and one click would bring it back.

 

Or take it away.  


 

“You're my best friend, Josh. I'm happy you're alive."

 

And then he presses delete.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone who followed this fic since the beginning and those who've joined the journey! That's the end of this fic and I hope you liked it!! This ending isn't my favorite thing I've ever wrote but thats because I can't do description (as you can tell). I'll be doing some more fics in the future, I just have to balance everything with school and such. If you have any comments, critiques, or suggestions please comment below!


End file.
